It was getting dark. People were in a hurry. Alice looked from the balcony and thought about her life. She saw the company of teenagers , who went to the party. " It is so wonderful to have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, I am alone. I am bored with staying at home . I want to have fun". - said Alice.Then she quickly changed her clothes . The girl decided to wear a jeans dress and her mother's gold earrings and necklace.The din of the city made her crazy. Alice was anxious for her own safety. She was afraid of every shadow, every glance of the stranger and of every rustle . She sat on the bench and started to cry . Suddenly , the voice of an old man disturbed the girl :
- Why are you crying ?
-My peers fall in love , go to the parties , try something new and just enjoy their careless life. But my life is so boring!
- Do you want to have fun and to get a lot of unforgettable emotions? I can help you.
Alice wiped her tears and answered the question :
- Let's have fun !
Next day it was announced that 8 teenagers were killed in the night, when they returned from party to home. The police continue their investigations , but very little has been uncovered . The gold earring , which was found at the scene of the crime, is a single clue.
Great and frightening story! But you should be more attentive:
ReplyDelete1) I think it is better to say "Alice stood on the balcony thinking about/of her life"
2) You should use here ("who went to the party") Past Continuous.
3) You may also say "Alice responded" or "Alice replied" instead of "Alice answered the question" - although it is not a mistake.
4) THE next day
5) "Kill" is a term that is used to denote death of human beings though it is also used for death of animals, as well. "Murder" is a term that is reserved for intentional killing of a human being.
6) It is better to say "The next day it was announced that 8 teenagers had been murdered while they were coming back home from the party." (sequence of tenses)
7) "but very little has been uncovered" - it is better to say "but not much was detected or found out.
8) There is a set expression "a piece of evidence"
In general, I would advise you to pay attention to punctuation (especially spaces) and look for ideal equivalents and set expressions in Abbyy Lingvo, Wooordhunt, Multitran or some other sources.